i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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