Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
