Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
