Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
