i barfeds in our rink
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
