SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
