You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
