Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
