I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
