I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
