im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
