woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize