I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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