So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
