Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
