some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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