i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
