I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
