I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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