She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
