I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
