Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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