I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
