oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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