My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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