I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Randomize
