My nipple is on Facebook.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
