we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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