Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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