OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
