I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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