its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
