Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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