At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
