He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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