Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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