You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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