forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
