Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
