you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
