i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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