Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's shark week go big or go home
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
