we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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