dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let's get the cat blown out
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
