just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
