i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
