Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
