I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
