I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
