eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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