My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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