It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
