No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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