please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
