Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize