i barfeds in our rink
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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