I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize