I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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