he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
