My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
