Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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