Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
