So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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