you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We are all done wearing pants today
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
