Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
