just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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