At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Define "chronic" masturbator.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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