I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
