I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
