youre lurking in front of me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
