Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im six kinds of drunk right now
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
