So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Even my vagina gasped.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize