Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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